Would you host a death cafe in your senior living community?
Over the past several months there have been a number of articles written about death cafes. In case you don’t know what a death cafe is, it is not a place where people gather to commit mass suicide. It is, rather, a gathering of people to talk about death and dying. Here is a current article in the Kansas City Star titled Appreciating Life in a Death Cafe. According to the article the goal of a death cafe is to “ Help people make the most of their lives, their “finite” lives, by giving them a chance to discuss their mortality — something family and friends often refuse to contemplate.”
Grass Roots
These grass root gatherings talk about things like:
- Are there alternatives to burial or cremation?
- How should you act around someone who is dying?
- Is there a right way and a wrong way to grieve?
- They might ask the question: Before I die I want to . . .
- What about wills?
- What’s it like to die?
- How do I make end of life medical decisions?
- More than anything else it is an open, safe place to talk about death, dying and mortality.
My Questions
Ultimately death and dying are a very real part of every single senior living community. I wonder if a death cafe in a senior living community would be helpful or hurtful for residents and their families. I find myself wondering if it would be a good way to serve the marketplace community by holding death cafes that would be open to anyone. Finally, have any of you tried hosting a death cafe and how did it go?
Steve Moran
I help a number of people with long term care planning. It’s not something many want to talk about because it defines their mortality. This type of discussion is a great idea, but “Death Cafe’s? ” I’m not sure what it should be called; Death with Dignity? Hospice 101?
I, too, assist residents and families with long-term care planning, hospice, etc. It is a very private discussion, but also needs to be made more public so that people can be prepared and find it easier to talk about. I think information needs to be presented long before they enter a facility because it becomes very real when living together as a big family. Senior centers in our community are very good at offering sessions on a variety of topics covering aspects of planning, death & dying, etc. A friend and I have presented several classes at our church to help our members “get their ducks in a row!”
I agree that the subject of death and dying is generally a subject that some find difficult to discuss while others talk about it openly. I have worked in senior housing for 15 years. I applaud the efforts of senior living providers for hosting forums on the subject. There is valuable information shared at these meetings where one could get the answers they seek without even asking the question themselves. Often someone may have the same questions you have and be comfortable voicing them. My only thought is the name. Isn’t there something else to call theses meeting other than ” Death Cafés”? While catchy and intriguing, it is just a slight bit creepy sounding to me. Where did that come from? Who would have thought that through enough to come up with that? Obviously it caught on.. But I keep getting a visual of the cafe on Friends where Febi played her guitar and sang cat songs. For all I know that could be the perfect setting for a “Death Cafe” meeting. Last thought on this is … As long as the right information reaches the person seeking it, what we call it or where it is held is really irrelevant I suppose.